American Courts

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Si, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. Si

    Si Super Moderator Staff Member Super Mod

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    Just to start the week with at least, a smile!

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
    people actually
    said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
    by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
    were actually taking place. It's worth reading to the end!

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
    ________________ ______ _______________

    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan.

    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    _____________________ ___________ ______

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh.

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

    How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
    notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? - What school did you go

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
    autopsy on him!
    _______ _______ ______ ________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh?


    And the best for last

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
    the autopsy?
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practising law.
  2. Luiza*Cunha

    Luiza*Cunha Charmed Trainee with Goa'uld inside! Staff Member Super Mod

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    It's amazing how stupid people can be, eh? :D
  3. Pol

    Pol Stuck on the M1 <img src="images/smilies/shakehead Staff Member Super Mod

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    :evil: :lmao: :lmao:
  4. voice of god

    voice of god Prodigal Pyjamas Pervert Staff Member Super Mod

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    :D my favourite

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