Darwin Awards Candidates

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Pol, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. Pol

    Pol Stuck on the M1 <img src="images/smilies/shakehead Staff Member Super Mod

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    Charlotte NC :

    A man having purchased a very rare, very expensive box of cigars, insured them against fire among other things.
    Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without even having paid his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.
    In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost in a "series of small fires". The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
    The man sued....and won.
    In delivering the ruling the judge, agreeing that the claim was frivolous stated nevertheless that the man held a policy with the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.
    Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in the "fires".
    After the man cashed the cheque, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and fined $24,000.
  2. Pol

    Pol Stuck on the M1 <img src="images/smilies/shakehead Staff Member Super Mod

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    Paderborn, Germany

    Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
    attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud.
    "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him.
  3. Luiza*Cunha

    Luiza*Cunha Charmed Trainee with Goa'uld inside! Staff Member Super Mod

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    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    This Friedrich Riesfeldt character is an urban legend, isn't he? :p
  4. Pol

    Pol Stuck on the M1 <img src="images/smilies/shakehead Staff Member Super Mod

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    He's an urban legend alright...and also dead as a doornail. Well i hope he's dead 'cos they buried him :p
  5. Luiza*Cunha

    Luiza*Cunha Charmed Trainee with Goa'uld inside! Staff Member Super Mod

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    :eek:

    See what you've done! Now I have that awful picture in my mind... :rolleyes2

    *wonders how she'll be able to sleep tonight* lol
  6. * réprouvé *

    * réprouvé * What She Said Staff Member Super Mod

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    lol!!! How can this dude be a Darwin Award Candidate though? Because he didn't meet his maker in a ridiculous or stupid way? :rolleyes2




    Did you ever hear the one about the two students getting busy on a knoll before they got struck by lightening?? :lmao: The story is actually pretty gross, I shouldn't be laughing.
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2007
  7. Pol

    Pol Stuck on the M1 <img src="images/smilies/shakehead Staff Member Super Mod

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    Post the story then....give us a laugh :)
  8. * réprouvé *

    * réprouvé * What She Said Staff Member Super Mod

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    No, seriously, it's absolutely not nice.






    Well ok then you twisted my arm :evil: :laugh:
    So basically two students are out at night and they pull into this wooded area, all secluded, and walked down to an open knoll......where of course, they were lulled by the romantic locale :rolleyes2 and started GETTING BUSY :smart: :smart: :smart: in this knoll.
    But where they were lying was a hotbed for electrical activity, and as they didn't realise a storm was brewing above them, the guy student then got struck in the ass by a lightening bolt and just so happened to fuse the flesh of their most intimate parts together :OHNO:
    So the guy survived but the girl did not, when he looked down to see she was dead, then realised - as he tried to pull away from her - that he couldn't (ouch) he was sick on her and passed out.
    As he had been eating pizza and buffalo wings that night lol tasty (just kidding) a bear was attracted by the smell, and when the guy student woke up, he found a bear chewing on his dead girlfriends face who he was fused to.


    :lmao:
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2007
  9. * réprouvé *

    * réprouvé * What She Said Staff Member Super Mod

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    Now call me CYNICAL.....









    But I don't know if this is true lol


    Not as bad as Gerbil Rocket though :OHNO:
  10. Luiza*Cunha

    Luiza*Cunha Charmed Trainee with Goa'uld inside! Staff Member Super Mod

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    TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am.

    Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.

    He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located. :eek:
  11. Pol

    Pol Stuck on the M1 <img src="images/smilies/shakehead Staff Member Super Mod

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    Lu : He doesn't deserve to get the foot back

    reprouve : You're a sick woman
  12. * réprouvé *

    * réprouvé * What She Said Staff Member Super Mod

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    lol Now I wouldn't argue with those comments....but I didn't make up the damn story!! :evil:
  13. Pol

    Pol Stuck on the M1 <img src="images/smilies/shakehead Staff Member Super Mod

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    Oh...i thought it was one you made up in your Creative Writing class :eek:
  14. Luiza*Cunha

    Luiza*Cunha Charmed Trainee with Goa'uld inside! Staff Member Super Mod

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    Michigan, USA:

    This guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for some 30 thousand dollars
    and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets a hold of his
    friend and they go do some male bonding. They go duck hunting and of
    course all the lakes are frozen.


    These 2 Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer
    and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get
    ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for
    the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice
    and in order to make a hole large enough to look like something a
    wandering duck wants to fly down and land on, it is going to take a
    little more effort than a ice hole drill.


    Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with
    a short, 40 second fuse. Now these 2 Rocket Scientists do take into
    consideration that if they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a
    location far from where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee),
    they take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning
    fuse and possibly going up in smoke with the resulting blast. So, they
    decide to light this 40 second fuse and throw the dynamite which is what
    they end up doing.


    Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the
    beer, the guns AND THE DOG? Yes, the dog. A highly trained Black Lab
    used for retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed
    it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and gets
    the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse about the time it
    hits the ice all to the woes of the 2 idiots yelling, stomping, waving
    arms and wondering what the hell to do now.


    The dog, well it is happy and heads back from where it came from moments
    before, with the stick of dynamite, only to the mounting woes of the 2
    bozo's now really waving their arms, yelling even louder and jumping to
    new heights than ever before. Now one of the guys decides to think,
    something that he has never done before this moment, grabs a shotgun and
    shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big
    enough to stop a Black Lab on its appointed rounds. Dog stops for a
    moment, slightly confused and continues on. Another shot and this time
    the dog, still standing, becomes really confused & of course scared,
    thinking these 2 Nobel Prize winners have gone insane and takes off to
    find cover, with the now really short short fuse burning on this stick
    of dynamite. The cover the dogs finds? Underneath the brand new Grand
    Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sitting on
    the lake ice.

    BOOM !

    Dog dies, and it and the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand
    dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sink to the bottom of the lake
    leaving the 2 candidates for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing
    there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.
    Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company which tells
    him that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not
    covered. He had yet to make the first of those 400+ a month payments.

    Poor dog! :eek:
  15. Pol

    Pol Stuck on the M1 <img src="images/smilies/shakehead Staff Member Super Mod

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    Several years ago, "they" say, Richard Gere was admitted into the emergency room of a Los Angeles hospital with foreign object lodged in his rectum. Some say Gere was alone when he arrived, others say he was accompanied by a friend (e.g., former love interest Cindy Crawford). In any case, an x-ray was taken and it was determined that the foreign object was a gerbil (either alive or dead, depending on who tells the story). Mr. Gere was rushed to surgery, where it took an entire team of doctors to extract the animal from his behind. Some variants say the gerbil was found to have been shaven and declawed; others claim the animal had been placed in a special plastic pouch. Still others insist the poor creature was Gere's own beloved pet (appropriately named "Tibet" in this variant). In any event, when the gerbilectomy was done the medical team was sworn to secrecy — unsuccessfully, we must conclude — and Gere went on his merry way, suffering no permanent harm other than to his reputation.
  16. * réprouvé *

    * réprouvé * What She Said Staff Member Super Mod

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    :confuzzle Do you seriously believe that? I know that rumour has been around forever but it does sound too obvious a thing to make up.




    and him and Cindy Crawford were together? :wow: No way
  17. Pol

    Pol Stuck on the M1 <img src="images/smilies/shakehead Staff Member Super Mod

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    It's another one of those legends doing the rounds reprouve...i just copied and pasted it from a reliable source...the National Enquirer website, and if it's in there you know it's true :smart:

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