Flirting !!when enough is enough

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Nirckoh, Oct 17, 2002.

  1. Nirckoh

    Nirckoh New Member

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    :boink:
    Yes yes ..


    Flirting is described as behaving towards or talking to someone as though you are sexually attracted to them but not in a very serious way.

    This definition sounds harmless enough, even fun. May be you have even flirted a couple of times yourself, and you certainly loved it. Remember when that guy gave you this appraising look that seemed to last forever during your best friend's wedding last month? The way your pulse quickened when he gave you that inviting smile and even winked? Nothing came out of that but you were exhilarated all the same.

    You would not be accused of interpreting it as something that is purely harmless.
    But when it happens in a relationship, it becomes lethal to that particular relationship if it does not stop. That is the bottom line. Take a look at these confessions.

    Confessions
    Robert's Wondering Eye
    "I had noticed Robert looking at other women a couple of times but each time I would brush it of. I would convince myself that it was nothing. After all, it was me he was with, and it was not like he was cheating on me or anything," says Sarah.

    "But there was this day that I had to admit to myself that I could not tolerate his behaviour anymore. We had met in this certain joint in town and the attendant as waiting to take our orders. He took mine but when it came to Robert's turn, I had to tap him on the arm to get his attention - his eyes were intently fixed on these two women who were seated a couple of tables away from us. It was so embarrassing; I decided there and then that if he did not stop, I was through with him. He did not. We split last year," she says bitterly.

    Ann: every guy's gal
    "What struck me when I first set my eyes on Ann was how she carried herself. She had this confidence about her that was very appealing. I was hooked. We got to date for two months only before I decided that our relationship was going nowhere…the girl was a flirt. She would eye almost every man within the vicinity with a certain look - you know what I mean?" Eric asks.

    "When I asked her about it, she told me to stop being insecure and jealous, but I had had it, I called it quits," he adds.

    What to do?
    If you are going through anything similar to get this, get yourself out of the misery that is your relationship. Admit that yours is not a real relationship but a sham, which you are better of without.

    Take a really deep and honest look at your feelings. How does it feel when your girlfriend or boyfriend behaves in a sexually suggestive manner towards other people?

    My guess is that you feel let down, embarrassed, hurt, cheated, angry - the list could go on. Why you experience all these kind of negative emotions is because your partner is behaving in a totally disrespectful manner. It does not matter whether he or she is not doing anything physical with that other person, what your partner is doing is downright demeaning.


    Reasons people flirt
    Marble Odima, a counsellor with Shalom Counselling Centre, says that flirting is a disease, which needs urgent attention.

    "Your boyfriend, girlfriend or even lover can flirt with you. They can convince you that they are interested and give you the impression that they would want to have something serious with you when in fact, they are just having a good time at your expense," she cautions.

    She gives some of the reasons that people flirt.

    Reason one: past hurt
    "People who flirt with their partners are trying to make up for a past failed relationship. Though these people offer nothing in a relationship, they expect a lot from their partner," Odima says.

    "There is usually a lot of selfishness and self-centeredness in that person. Their feelings revolve around self," she adds.

    Reason two: wrong motives
    She says that another reason that leads to flirting is when a person enters a relationship with the wrong motive or enters into it with no goal in mind. "Some people establish a relationship to be satisfied and to have their needs met. This is wrong because it translates to selfishness."

    "A relationship should be geared towards a definite destination and should have an agenda," she advises.

    Reason three: independence
    Another reason is that such a person is unable to reach out to others. "He or she finds it hard to forgo comfort or to sacrifice in order to do something for his or her partner," Odima adds.

    Flirting is also found in people who believe that they can do without others.

    "They try to prove that they are self-sufficient and that they can survive with or without others. It is like telling their partner that even if they left, they would still survive."

    "That person wants to keep others at bay and yet still use them strategically to meet their needs without committing themselves," says Odima.

    Reason four: insecurity
    She says that another major cause of flirting is the feeling of insecurity.

    "This especially happens with men whose ego has been tampered with.

    This is brought about by past failed relationships making one feel that they are inadequate," Odima adds.

    The negative feelings you experience are the same whether your partner flirts with you or with others.

    "You are affected psychologically, spiritually as well as wounded emotionally. There is a feeling of betrayal, anger, bitterness, hostility, resentment, even depression in some cases," she says.

    "It is especially difficult if a person really loves his or her partner because the first reaction is denial. Though they can see what their partner is doing, they just won't accept it," Odima explains.

    The solution
    There is a remedy to this demeaning behaviour. Odima says that one should enter a relationship only when one knows what he or she has to offer. Also know your priorities in life and have the spiritual sensitivity to discern when your partner is just playing around with you.

    "Always ask yourself why you are in a relationship and what you expect from it.
    Define the direction of that relationship, ask yourself why you are relating now and not before, and always remember that a relationship initiated with a long-term perspective in mind more often than not works," she advises.

    If you are in a relationship where there is flirting, then this is the cue to pack and leave. Remember that sexual commitment belongs to one's partner alone.

    It is hurting when you realise that someone you cared about was just using you. But this is never reason enough to give up on your love or the opposite sex for that matter. Not everyone is out to hurt you. Get up, dust yourself and say to yourself that you can get over that hurt and find love again.




    :hit:
  2. KingXII

    KingXII S MOD

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    Nirckoh

    wow there's some good information here.
    interesting, i could have used this in my class last semester but I found the board this summer oh well.
  3. sarahqt

    sarahqt Super Cutie

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    Man! It must have taken you hours to tyoe all of that stuff. It is really interestingf though. What made you decide to post it?
  4. KingXII

    KingXII S MOD

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    i believe that's the longest single post ever!
  5. sarahqt

    sarahqt Super Cutie

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    I was going to say that before! He certainly researched that before he posted thats for sure!Three cheers for Nirckoh!
  6. Nirckoh

    Nirckoh New Member

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    LOng post ...hahahahah

    Hello all ya reader i guess u might have wondered how i did it well . that was part fo my work last summer holiday assigment was to research on relationship and things around it and thats how i got to do it all but it took me like 3 weeks to compile all that stuff but ... i got 12ECTS...WOW ...:boink:
  7. Raven

    Raven New Member

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    That's nice information, I feel enlightened for reading it. I'm sure the rest of the board expresses the same
  8. G-man

    G-man Prodigal Philanthropist

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    Very intriguing... so does this all mean flirting is a "bad" thing? :eek:
    *heads back over to the shameless flirting thread...*
  9. saxmidiman

    saxmidiman Member

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    Interesting reading.

    Don't agree with all of it. I think it's a matter of perspective. The thread almost sounds like one must give up flirting when one finds the person they want to be with.

    I find that flirting is only harmful when one has expectations of more when they begin the process. When people flirt with me, it's the furthest thing from my mind to go "the next step". To me it's a compliment.

    When I flirt, I'm just hoping to make someone's day. Hopefully it boosts a persons self esteem. The exception to this rule is for my wife and my wife only. Even then I don't have any expectations for anything more than ego boosting conversation.

    For me, flirting is only as dangerous as the state of mind of the person. The safest way to deal with it is to always treat as just flattery and leave it at that.
  10. voice of god

    voice of god Prodigal Pyjamas Pervert Staff Member Super Mod

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    I kind of agree sax, but theres paying compliments/being nice and then theres flirting sexually and theres a big difference. Its the thought/intention that counts.(yeah Ive changed, no more flirting for me, unless youre single baby, yeah)

    I've just recently told a girl(married) to more or less not talk 2 me anymore, coz she was flirting to the point of stalking on the pretence of being 'friends' (yeah right). Its not nice especially when theres a husband, that sees what is going on.

    I reckon its down to the age old, undeniable law - do unto others/you get what you give/karma. If you would like to feel the gutted pain of betrayal/rejection when you partner cheats on you or flirts with another, then go ahead and flirt or cheat yourself, it will soon come back to you.

    Having said all that, Ive just met this girl in the last week or so and we're getting along smashingly. But my friend and I had already planned a naughty weekend away with a coupla girls this weekend. So if I go ahead with the weekend am I cheating??
    GODDAMMITT!!

    ah, *starts singing* "one day I'll fly awaaay...."
  11. X-Factor

    X-Factor vvv Look it's Billy Hunt!

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    now if ur going out with her its cheating. if ur not then theres no commitment so its not. does the girl u met already know about this "special" weekend
  12. Luiza*Cunha

    Luiza*Cunha Charmed Trainee with Goa'uld inside! Staff Member Super Mod

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    Re: LOng post ...hahahahah

    3 weeks? To find THIS? :rolleyes: It took me about 10 seconds... ;)

    *follows G's track*
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2004
  13. saxmidiman

    saxmidiman Member

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    Sorry buddy but it's cheating. You can try to justify it, but when you're not up front with everything you're doing, it will come back on you (Karma?).

    Once again, you've sort of proved my point. The married woman has flirted with bad intentions from the sounds of it. Obviously she needs to communicate to her husband about what is deficient in their relationship. Just my opinion.

    Like I said. I flirt with no intention of hurting anyone and with absolutely no intentions. I do it because it's an ego boost. Mind you, I think everybody I've flirted with knows that I flirt this way and considers me a harmless fly. If what I'm doing is wrong, I'll take it up with my preacher. He's seems to have a good moral sense.
  14. voice of god

    voice of god Prodigal Pyjamas Pervert Staff Member Super Mod

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    yeah, we're not going out, so I guess we're just friends for now, and no she doesnt know about the weekend.

    maybe I will tell girly on the weekend that Ive met someone and it wouldnt feel right to do anything, we could just hang out, I mean we have other things planned apart from just sex. That way I havent cheated right(even though Im not even going out with anyone). And Id have no problem in telling new girl the truth.

    Well I havent done anything yet.

    So you flirt in front of your wife?
  15. ZelRiptha

    ZelRiptha Thnow White but I drifted Staff Member Super Mod

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    Have fun, mate! :thumbsup:

    (VoG's a good 'un, fellas... no worries.)
  16. saxmidiman

    saxmidiman Member

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    Yes I flirt in front of my wife. I've nothing to hide. She's known me for 14 years. She knows that she's the only one. She also flirts in front of me. I really don't care. Jealousy and insecurity are not major problems in my life.
  17. vbrio

    vbrio Lavander Lassie Staff Member Moderator

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    hmmm...interesting thread in deed...

    and vog have fun....i know you'll make the right decision as always.....

    *follows lu and g to the other thread*
  18. voice of god

    voice of god Prodigal Pyjamas Pervert Staff Member Super Mod

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    the plot thickens

    ha!` just received news that weekend girly has pulled out(shes back with boyfriend)

    So now it looks like I might be the 3rd wheel, unless the other girl thats going brings her best friend(who Im friends with, so we can hang out)

    So I am free! No cheating! yay

    Im also well aware of the fact that anyone who has been bothered to read this or understand it, probly doesnt care, heh.
  19. G-man

    G-man Prodigal Philanthropist

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    Aww... but of course we all care VOG! Group hug! :cuddle:
    *now back to the flirtin'!* :smart:
  20. voice of god

    voice of god Prodigal Pyjamas Pervert Staff Member Super Mod

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    awh thanks bud:)

    Ive been ready about astrology lately and apparently Im a natural born flirt:eek:

    :( *slumps shoulders and slowly trudges back to the flirting thread*

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