Post your own lyrics for critique!

Discussion in 'Lyrics' started by Hopkins, Feb 14, 2003.

  1. MDniteStryKR

    MDniteStryKR I'll come back to you when I'm dead! Staff Member Super Mod

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    LMAO!
  2. dustikitten

    dustikitten New Member

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    really good..

    Hey Hopkins- You've got some talent there! I really can't find anything bad to say about it so- you're great. :wink: I guess I'm kind of simple in that I like to rhyme.

    I'm a lyrcist myself, an ameture though. I had this one really great song called "Everytime (I turn around)" and this other I really liked called "Run on"- man, I still haven't forgiven myself for loosing those! I just can't seem to replicate the same kind of success I had with my peers when I played that on my electric. I've got this other song going on right now called "Mr. RisKay" but I think it sounds to freakin preppy, like "Mickey" the cheerleader song.. but I guess some folks like it. When I get the guts to- I'll post it up on this board :)

    You've got a gift, don't waste it ;)
  3. MDniteStryKR

    MDniteStryKR I'll come back to you when I'm dead! Staff Member Super Mod

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    wooo....
    not my kinda music,dude but i think it's good..i love it when there r many words esp when they rhyme..but then again no..no..not my type'a music,uh-uh :nono:

    well..maybe just maybe i'll post mine..i can't now cuz i'm using my sis's notebook but i might when i get on my com...probably after my exams..in one month's time...
  4. Rogue_Rider

    Rogue_Rider New Member

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    Hey guys, this is my first posted song, tell me what you think...

    How can it be that your right here
    But i feel so alone
    Hidding in my shaddows from all the fear
    Running with no-where to go

    Trying to find truth in darkness
    away from prying eyes
    looking for hope in a shattered promise
    In the end my heart died

    I closed my eyes nd tried to sleep
    Pushed myself deep inside
    Crashing into pride, i surrender
    Now free me to die

    Breaking through the skin
    Crimson blood coursing through my veins
    Happiness my weakness, sadness my sin
    Captive in anger driving me insane

    I closed my eyes nd tried to sleep
    Pushed myself deep inside
    Crashing into pride, i surrender
    Now free me to die
    Free me to die



    :assskake: :assskake:
  5. Rogue_Rider

    Rogue_Rider New Member

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    How can it be that your right here
    But i feel so alone
    Hidding in my shaddows from all the fear
    Running with no-where to go

    Trying to find truth in darkness
    away from prying eyes
    looking for hope in a shattered promise
    In the end my heart died

    I closed my eyes nd tried to sleep
    Pushed myself deep inside
    Crashing into pride, i surrender
    Now free me to die

    Breaking through the skin
    Crimson blood coursing through my veins
    Happiness my weakness, sadness my sin
    Captive in anger driving me insane

    I closed my eyes nd tried to sleep
    Pushed myself deep inside
    Crashing into pride, i surrender
    Now free me to die
    Free me to die

    Tell me what you think ok guys
  6. zwan

    zwan New Member

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    could some of you lovely people give me an idea about if this lyric is good or not thank you all :)

    Collapsed veins, broken holes
    By JD

    I may be proud but does that mean that I cannot succumb to different ways?
    you declare your inermost feelings
    what have you been taking?
    everyone is their own so why do we all follow one and other

    Collapsed veins broken holes
    is this the way to go?
    discilpline, self control
    NO!
    you reach that by you're own doing not someone elses

    Why are they more important?
    "There is no class"
    they are born into riches
    it is no struggle
    but do they enjoy it?
    what memories are there to hold?

    Copyright © 2003 John Davies
    Last edited: May 9, 2003
  7. write2matthew

    write2matthew New Member

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    There are some great books on lyric writing. I learnt a lot from them. Basically every song has to have a point. introduce characters in the first few lines - e.g. I never knew you could look so good. Already we know it is a personal thing between two people, about love.
  8. MDniteStryKR

    MDniteStryKR I'll come back to you when I'm dead! Staff Member Super Mod

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    it's true but then it gets so boring..the moment u read the first line u know it's about love and all the mushy mushy stuff..

    whereas if u introduce a vague idea as the first few lines then it gives the song somewhat a 'plot' and u gotta listen 2 da whole song to get it's message..i love songs that r not straight to the point..one that doesn't really have a direct message where u have to interpret it according to ur own understanding..that's why i love work by Disturbed n Drowning Pool n some other metal artists cuz they allow me to interpret the song according to my personal preference..
  9. theabart

    theabart New Member

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    Cool i will get some of mine, and then post them here.
    By the way I'm Polish trying to write in English.
    What a disaster heheh
    good work guys.
  10. Anubus

    Anubus New Member

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    When you apply a more vague ideal to lyrics, it can be just like writing poetry. Adding that additional level can introduce an entirely new audience to something that may have had a very narrow attraction to begin with.
  11. Cor3yM05

    Cor3yM05 New Member

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    i kno good lyrics sites

    www.dapslyrics.com is one of the best lyrics sites out there, simple plan is the only group i couldnt find on there that i wuz lo0kin for
  12. solidsnake82

    solidsnake82 New Member

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    hey, can someone critique this song?

    NEVERMORE
    by The Voice of Reason

    you see him every day
    he doesn't have that much to say
    and so you pass him in the hallway, just like yesterday.
    that plastic smile on his face
    never gives away his mental state
    never brings the thought to mind that you are BLIND
    and love to hate.....

    CHORUS: every day he wears a halo
    and every night his crown of thorns
    underneath his scarlet letter
    every tear feels like a thunderstorm

    and thing become reality
    things that never were before
    like the look in his eyes and his apathy to the world around him.
    by now you'd probably think
    that he would be broken and on the brink
    but he is more broken and he is much farther down than you'll ever be.

    the pain forced the weary to remember
    the emptiness in bleak december
    as each and every dying ember
    wrought its ghost upon the floor
    to be lifted NEVERMORE......

    (it might look like theres no possible way to make the rhythms work, but i did, so just only critique the lyrics and not the rhythms please.)
  13. st975

    st975 New Member

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    It's pretty long, but if the song's up tempo it would be fine.
  14. MDniteStryKR

    MDniteStryKR I'll come back to you when I'm dead! Staff Member Super Mod

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    This is a parody to Other World from Final Fantasy X which I wrote to enter the Lyrics Contest hosted by Jeanie and i got MB$1200 for winning first place..it's called Overthrown because when i just heard the song i alway mistakened it as Overthrown instead of Other World so when i wrote the parody it was simply a perfect selection..now i need some critique..

    [edit: lyrics removed by MDniteStryKR]
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2011
  15. deedube

    deedube New Member

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  16. diva_baby

    diva_baby New Member

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    i think your really talented and should continue to write songs.
    nice rythmic scheme with lyrics
  17. twimas

    twimas New Member

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  18. f4000ryder09

    f4000ryder09 New Member

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    LYRICS TO A SONG I WROTE, PLZ TELL ME WHAT U THINK

    i feel pain
    i feel hate
    i feel anger inside
    all because of the choices u made

    y must i always pity u
    all i wish is to be free

    when will u see
    all thats left of me
    is what you haven't taken away from me

    u didn't believe
    but look at me now
    i pushed u away and now i'm free
    living my life the way it should be

    chorus: its ripping u up
    its tearing u up inside
    pain that will never go away with time
    because i'm taking myself away from u

    i tried to help
    i tried to care
    but ur bullshit was just to much
    u held me down
    u kept me from life
    i put u out the door, out of sight

    chorus

    u'll never see
    the potential in me
    u were too close minded to see
    what i could be

    PLZ PLZ PLZ EMAIL ME IM ME REPLY TO THIS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK...MY DREAM IS TO REALLY MAKE IT IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS AND I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM OTHER PEOPLE WHAT THEY THINK
    I HAVE MORE TO FEEL FREE TO ASK FOR MORE OF MY STUFF
  19. rstuckmaier

    rstuckmaier New Member

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    wow, this post is long, i cant read that much
  20. billy hunt

    billy hunt New Member

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    your opinions on this please

    i've written this song and i wanted your views on it.
    Its not finished it yet but its one of those songs you instantly think you've heard somewher before.i think i'm onto a winner.


    I stand and wait
    does a fairy watch Eastenders
    and do they know
    the way to Grimsby
    when we're wrinkled and old
    'cos I've not been told
    that the salvation army lets their songs unfold
    so when I'm dying in my bed
    thoughts going around my head
    and I feel that my willy is dead
    I'm loving fairies instead

    CHORUS:

    And through it all,i always use protection
    a little lubricant and affection
    whether I'm wrong or right
    and down the grass bank
    wherever it may take me
    I know that my name is Rupert
    when Avon comes to call, she won't like me
    I'm loving fairies instead


    When I'm feeling myself
    and my car drives down a one way street
    I look behind me to see if anyone else has made the same mistake as me.
    and I know I'll never be blessed with a sense of direction
    and as the feeling in my willy grows
    she breathes garlic in my face,hasn't she got any consideration?
    and now i'm almost dead
    I'm loving fairies instead

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