Post your own lyrics for critique!

Discussion in 'Lyrics' started by Hopkins, Feb 14, 2003.

  1. cockroach

    cockroach New Member

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    Nice lyrics ppl :)
  2. Poll

    Poll New Member

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    Hi all,
    i'm new here, tell me what you think:

    All those nights,
    my filled mind couldn't sleep
    dreaming of its precious
    what it has become now
    should be asked to thy lord Yesterday
    Eternity seems long,
    yet so far it does not

    Waiting for the nevercoming
    I hold my breath
    and praie

    Whom is the choice,
    to stop and end it
    or open up and wait my whole lifetime

    (Inspired by Metallica)
  3. MDniteStryKR

    MDniteStryKR I'll come back to you when I'm dead! Staff Member Super Mod

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    Sweet sweet!!
    Metallica's influence has done u much good :thumbsup:
  4. Double A Ron

    Double A Ron New Member

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    My rap song: Aaron Comica Theme

    Here's my first rap song I've ever written. Enjoy:

    It’s been a long time now I’m back on the stage,
    Now and forever, I’m against what’s the rage,
    Don't judge from my looks you know,
    Cause I've got the groove that's fly like Al Pachino!
    The chicks see me drivin’ in a corvette.
    That won‘t help me win that certain young brunette!
    May be ostracized, but I still have a voice,
    Even as an outcast, I’m the party people’s choice.
    A mystic kid with a new philosophy,
    My kind deserves to be studied in psychology,
    An young wizard that writes the libraries,
    Came out of the fog lookin’ slightly scary,
    I was probably cloned from Jim Carrey’s body,
    That’s why the girls want my autograph in the lobby…

    Hook:
    Guess who’s back, and flippin‘ the wax!!
    I have to say this before spinnin‘ the tracks,
    I‘m the St. Vital artist, Aaron Comica,
    With a high specialty of bustin’ rockin ska!

    Run the road of life, crush gravel like cashews,
    A green torpedo and it’s warpin' at you!,
    City slicker on the run to the club of fun,
    Will never stop goin‘ till my work is done!
    Promote equality between majestic and the outcast,
    Uplift the sad so their self-esteem lasts!
    Wine’s a mocker, and beer is a brawler,
    They don’t make you fly or the freshest baller!!
    Since the birth of the millenium,
    On a journey to become this premium!
    Not white or black but I’m in-between that!
    Some mess me up, now I don’t know where I’m at!
    Originality is the style I spit!
    May not be in the hook, but it’s still a big hit!

    Hook 2X

    Positive lyrics should be written in hip-hop,
    Gangsta rappers had the plan go flip flop!
    Perfect breaks and an industry,
    Now all that’s needed is the ministry.
    G-lawn tried to shut me down but I’m still happy,
    God’s always in my life and that ain’t crappy!
    With a green shirt an a Ventura (Ace Ventura) doo,
    Talk with Double A Ron and he’ll spew attitude!
    Whatever I address ain't of the ghetto!
    I set my gats down after sayin' hello!
    I expose shallow minds to the wisdom you need!
    God’s word is a thang you can give an’ receive.
    I’m not an Eminem or a Doctor Dre,
    Just some guy who steals rhymes like food off a tray,
    Assumptions I make, may be just a guess
    I may have ADD but I can still be the best!
    My broz wonder why I’m such an odd menace,
    Das cause I eat two bowls of corn flakes for breakfast,
    Single and lookin’ for a heart to steal!
    Should be from a hot girl who digs my skeal (skill)!

    Hook 4X

    Shoutout:
    Yeah, dass right! Dedicated to all the pretty girls of Winnipeg, Manitoba, specially the ones who are barely legal. I know you don't like it, but I'ma dedicate this song anyway.

    I’ve had complaints that the Corn Flakes line doesn’t make sense. Well, the joke goes right over your head. The third and fourth last line in the verse just basically describes how “corny” I can be (one of the reason why people find me annoying).

    The midi file's attached to it so you can rap to it if you want. It sounds similiar to the stage select theme from Sonic Adventure 2.

    Attached Files:

  5. mopo

    mopo New Member

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    american idiot

    not a green day fan but this is still a grate song my fav of the month
    Don't wanna be an American idiot.
    Don't want a nation that under the new media.
    And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
    The subliminal mind**** America.

    Welcome to a new kind of tension.
    All across the alien nation.
    Everything isn't meant to be okay.
    Television dreams of tomorrow.
    We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
    Convincing them to walk you.

    Well maybe I'm the ****head America.
    I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
    Now everybody do the propaganda.
    And sing along in the age of paranoia.

    Welcome to a new kind of tension.
    All across the alien nation.
    Everything isn't meant to be okay.
    Television dreams of tomorrow.
    We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
    Convincing them to walk you.

    Don't wanna be an American idiot.
    Don't want a nation controlled by the media.
    Information nation of hysteria.
    It's going out to idiot America.

    Welcome to a new kind of tension.
    All across the alien nation.
    Everything isn't meant to be okay.
    Television dreams of tomorrow.
    We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
    Convincing them to walk you.
  6. hayer

    hayer New Member

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    it would be cool to hear the songs that these lyrics are made for :)
  7. Tink_chan

    Tink_chan New Member

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    my lyircs

    Hi Im new here and I had noticed that you guys had a place where you posted you own lyrics...well I have writen lyrics of my own...but Ill only post on right now then if you want more...or want to here me singing this song (with no background music right now may I add) then just tell me:

    Hopeless Romantic

    Verse 1:
    See life in a clear perspective
    why not see me as clear as water
    I feel shelder
    I feel protected
    in my tiny, little corner

    Verse 2:
    you tell me im not wanted
    say im something im not
    im nothing to you and to other
    But I am who am I...

    Chorus 1:
    I am a hopeless romantic girl
    you see me for me.....hopefully
    you say those words
    you hear how I wanna be heard
    I am....I am a hopeless romantic girl

    Verse 3:
    Wanting something more then this
    scene as you wanna be scene
    trying to find you,
    to hold onto you
    please try to get to know me....
    Because I am who I am...

    Chorus 2:
    I am a hopeless romantic girl
    you see me for me.....hopefully
    you say those words
    you hear how I wanna be heard
    I am....I am a hopeless romantic girl

    Chrous 3:
    I am a hopeless romantic girl
    you see me.....for me.....hopefully
    you say those words
    you hear how I wanna be heard
    I am....I am a hopeless romantic.........girl............
  8. Gawd

    Gawd New Member

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    I wrote this song a while back, it's made to be a punk song with a loose christmas melody for the lyrics.... I can't remember what the Christmas song is called though :confused2 The chorus is just a guitar part that i've written out. I don't have a bridge for it yet, it'll probably be the guitar part in the verses without the lyrics.

    Born Again

    If Jesus had been born today
    I'd tell you how it'd be
    There'd be no love,
    No faith at all, from our society
    We'd use this little so-called-scheme
    To make a buck or two
    Never knowing that this propagandas
    Plagued all of us too

    (Chorus)

    First we'd hear it through the neighborhood
    That Christ was born again...
    Then we'd see him on the television
    Watch him from our den
    Then our scientist would prod at him
    To see his heart
    Is he for real or insane?
    Guess the two aint far apart

    (Chorus)

    Finally when we're through
    F*ck this man and wild claim
    Supreme court judges would rule him
    As legally insane
    And while locked up he may meet
    A few good people like himself
    Perhaps a martian colony,
    Or even God himself....

    Feedback appreciated
  9. jaxcurry

    jaxcurry New Member

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    im really new to this site but ive been writing for about 2 years and i just turned 16 can u tell me how i am hold nothing back but let it be known this is intended for rap platform and a up and down tempo
    ROLE MODEL if you really pay attention to detail and try to loost past the retail your would see theres so much more inside of me maybe then you wouldnt lie to me if you opened your eyes..youd get to watch your seed succeed so many times its funny ive never touched pot coke or drugs of any sort damn i sayin no to the same things that you snort?! and your supposed to be my role model while you down a grey goose bottle cmon role model which role should i take mayb the one where you cuss me out for the mistakes that you make?or the one where you think your the worst AND the best where you have an abortion jus to get some new breast?!but its cheaper that way right and still you continue to sleep easy at night but c`mon role model one more time tell me how you gonna get rich off of my rhymes (chorus) spending my life looking for a change in this chapter,wait for a happy momet to be capturedyou hurt me somany times but also give me the abilitly to open doors in my mind to peice together the puzzle sending chills through my rhymes now i can emphysize and keep it all true but i gotta give thanks for the hurt & the hate so here im THANKING YOU (verse 2) i guess you think im the puppet in this play kus you expect me to do every thing that you say..look im on call ill jump when you say jump fall when u say fall , why pick me up if your jus gonna drop me why act different and not break the monninaty if leavin is what i need why would you stop me!? your so selfish closed up and clammy like some kinda shelfish somtimes i can c why your so unhappy i cant imagine how it felt for you growin up whit no1 to talk to,but i can tell you i had nuttin to do with it so next time you get that feeling do somthin else with it than throw it all at me like im the cause of your problem kus if n/e thing than im the one tryin to solve em (chorus repeat)
  10. jaxcurry

    jaxcurry New Member

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    rogue i think you have talent but dont try to make it sound incredibble kus in turn it makes it sound worse i mean your obvously lyrically intelligent but try not to over kill it
  11. jaxcurry

    jaxcurry New Member

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    omg im an idoit sorry rogue i relied on the wrong page
  12. z0mbie

    z0mbie New Member

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    mandy, that sounds more like a poem, but it is really good anyway you'd put it.
  13. kim_eh

    kim_eh Gratified

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    Alrightly... I haven't posted anything here yet, so i figured I should.

    http://www.fictionpress.com/~kimeh3

    I update daily... and if you have an account at FictionPress you can review. (if you don't... i would love to hear your comments :) )
  14. pageorge61

    pageorge61 New Member

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    Like A Cold And Lonesome Rain

    HELLO, I'M NEW TO THE SITE, I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENTS, THANKS. GEORGE.

    "Like A Cold And Lonesome Rain"

    I thought we’d grow old together,
    Didn’t think you'd pass away,
    Thought we'd live on forever
    but life turns that way
    Now I cry when the sky lets go,
    that cold and lonesome rain,
    but then inside i really know,
    You're watching me today


    Tears falling down from heaven
    like a cold and lonesome rain
    over all those things we left undone
    and now i feel the pain
    so the drops keep falling down on me
    to show me how you feel
    Yes there falling down on me
    Like a cold and lonesome rain

    i went out to try and love again
    but it didn't feel the same
    they'd tell me bout all there men
    And lie about there name
    i guess i'll never love another
    cause baby, you were one of a kind
    and someday i know we'll be together
    with your hand holding mine

    So when you're tears fall down from heaven
    Like a cold and lonesome rain
    Over all those things we left undone
    And that makes me feel the pain
    I'll know why there falling down on me
    Just to show me how you feel
    Yes you're tears our falling down on me
    Like a cold and lonesome rain


    written by: George Kenneth Martin

    Date: June 12, 2006
  15. MDniteStryKR

    MDniteStryKR I'll come back to you when I'm dead! Staff Member Super Mod

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    nice one george...it's got a sad tone to it..
    i'm not a fan of love songs but i think it's good..esp when u write it based on your own experience, that itself inputs quality ;-)
  16. Honni

    Honni New Member

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    Hi. I'm new to this whole process, I'm going through a period in my life now that has me expressing myself in ways I haven't before. I wrote this from personal experience, and hope for some constructive comments. I don't yet have a name for it.
    ___
    Say you want to wind
    Around me
    Dance with me
    Dine on me

    Limbs entwined
    Bodies strumming
    To the music
    In our minds

    Leave your cares
    Worries behind, love
    Come play with me, love
    Lay with me

    If only for this night
    Let us feast on this,
    Twist and bend to this,
    Put aside our lives

    Tongues and fingers,
    Hot breath and lips,
    Crazy heat, sweat trickling
    Down my spine

    Leave your cares
    Worries behind, love
    Come play with me, love
    Lay with me

    I want to love you,
    taste you, drink you,
    All for you,
    Let it be tonight

    You have yours
    and I have mine,
    a mad world to return to,
    but for tonight

    Leave your cares
    Worries behind, love
    Come play with me, love
    Lay with me

    Put her aside
    Put her aside
    ___
  17. XvSitavX

    XvSitavX New Member

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    brutal honesty is key

    Live your life
    by. Sita

    Verse.1
    Life is only a dream the whole world has
    Love is only a whisper of promises past
    Time ticks away the hours that go by so fast
    Eternity is a breath away if you can make it last.

    Chorus .1
    So stop wasting your perfected talents on hopeless wishes
    Get out there and make it happen
    All the support you need is inside you dont miss it
    Dont miss your chance to have it.

    Verse.2
    Thoughts of how you could have anything at all
    Dreams are the portals to your future that falls
    Eyes mirror your every whim of living tall
    Forever is only in your mind dreaming to small

    Chorus .2
    So stop wasting your God given talents on useless displays
    Get out there and make it happen
    All the encouragement you need is inside dont play
    Dont miss your chance to have it.


    Please be honest with me on your opinions...its the only way to get better. :cool2: :!:
  18. lilmisscutie

    lilmisscutie New Member

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    hey this is my first time at makeing my own lyrics i just wanted to see what you guys think of them

    Why...
    By myself

    Why, is it always the same old same,
    Why, is it always me to blame,
    Why, do you always hurt me so,
    Why, do I have to take that blow, every time it’s your fault,
    But, you never see me running for the door,
    Dont blame me, ‘cause I can’t take no more,

    (Chorus)
    How, do you expect me to live like this,
    And how, don’t you ever give me that kiss,
    The one that I hate, the cold feeling,
    Your lips like ice and then....

    When, are you gonna come back home,
    When, are you gonna call me on the phone,
    When are u gonna sort out your own life,
    An’ stop causing misery through out your own strife,
    Can, u not see I’m getting myself back on track,
    Dont follow me there and never come back,

    (Chorus)
    How, do you expect me to live like this,
    And how, don’t you ever give me that kiss,
    The one that I hate, the cold feeling,
    Your lips like ice and then....

    Where, do you think you’re going to,
    Where, ‘cause I haven’t finished with you,
    So, you think you can walk out,
    And leave without even knowing,
    The damage you’ve done to my life,
    Oh yeah it’s really showing,

    (Chorus)
    How, do you expect me to live like this,
    And how, don’t you ever give me that kiss,
    The one that I hate, the cold feeling,
    Your lips like ice and then....

    Why, am I feeling so bad,
    Why, are you crying like a little lad,
    Why, don’t you walk out the door again,
    Why, have you put my through so much pain,
    Why, ‘cause I don’t wanna see your face again,

    let us know what you think
    cheers lilmisscutie x
  19. G-man

    G-man Prodigal Philanthropist

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    Some nice lyrics here, people. :)
  20. MDniteStryKR

    MDniteStryKR I'll come back to you when I'm dead! Staff Member Super Mod

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    yeah 3 new posts! that's pretty good but i dont see much critique around here..i wonder if things'd ever pick up again :-(

    anyway Honni, i love your lyrics! sounds naughty and carefree :p i could already imagine what the video would be like hehe

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