Post your own lyrics for critique!

Discussion in 'Lyrics' started by Hopkins, Feb 14, 2003.

  1. MDniteStryKR

    MDniteStryKR I'll come back to you when I'm dead! Staff Member Super Mod

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    Sita urs is very inspirational but i find it to be pretty straightforward since i like songs that play around their lyrics..that's just my humble opinion..nice work nonetheless ;-)

    lilmisscutie that's a pretty good one especially for a first attempt! i could relate to part of it ;-)

    wow so many talented writers over here!! some professional singers dont even deserve to stand next to these people
  2. C-lyric

    C-lyric New Member

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    Song 1

    END OF OUR TIME...

    Verse 1

    find the strenth ,find the power, find youre course in this world.
    hate and love ,two ingrediants of a perfect world.
    what's the answer of our hated crimes.
    The answer is death
    start to realize, this is the end.
    now's the time to stand up and fight.

    Chorus.

    this is the end of our time.
    this is the end of humanity.
    sins of the past will become our future.
    neglectins is the price to pay.


    Verse 2

    suffocation,dehydration
    this will be the end of our nation
    damage will be inflected on those who neglect it

    Chorus.

    this is the end of our time.
    this is the end of humanity.
    sins of the past will become our future.
    neglectins is the price to pay.
  3. Myndz-ryt

    Myndz-ryt New Member

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    Chek out

    Dis iz a new playa ere an i new rhym ya hear
    tellin tingz str8 so u got nuthin 2 fear
    evry lyric dat i spit tellz u wot im about
    dis 1 ryt ere'z wot i call chek out
    Day dreamin iz wot i do jus 2 tek me away
    off 2 anutha world jus 2 c a betta day
    no warz no h8 evrythinz down 2 fate
    no solitary coz evry1 can relate
    friendz watch ur bac n lend u der shouldah
    4 eva b ur souljah jus rememba i told ya
    man i feel tha sun n im outta tha rain
    a place wher u'l neva feel pain again
    itz paradise, ask 1ce not twice
    wen u open ur eyez den ur bound 2 feel nice
    itz a haven im in godz handz away from demandz
    walkin bare footed across all dese golden sandz
    im a lone souljah so i don need ma manz
    i don roam around aimlessly i hav ma planz
  4. Lyriel

    Lyriel New Member

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    Hi.
    I don't know if this is the right forum, but can somebody correct this lyrics?
    This is the second song I wrote by myself.
    Unfortunately, I'm german and still not good enough at english.
    Does it make sense? Do You like it? Is there something strange?

    Thanks in advance. =)


    [CHORUS]:
    Everytime
    I stand in front
    of that golden lettered door
    The strong wall
    I've built up
    all of a sudden crashes down.
    And I kneel down
    in pain of the memories
    that crash with the wall
    I built up after
    leaving my precious godsend.

    [VERSE 1a]:
    My precious friend,
    all the time
    I was carried away
    with the fact You were there for me.
    You know I was glad
    to have met you at last
    Cuz' no nobody else
    could see through me like You could.

    [BRIDGE 1]
    but you know,
    it got hard for me
    to stand your differentness.

    [VERSE 1b]
    I tried so hard
    to do the right thing.
    I thought I could be
    the same friend you were for me.

    [BRIDGE 2]
    But in the end
    My weak heart
    couldn't stand it anymore

    and I ran away from you.

    and everytime
    I stand in front
    of that golden lettered door
    The strong wall
    I've built up
    all of a sudden crashes down.
    and...
    [CHORUS]

    And everyday
    I see your face
    in every picture, people, things
    and I regret
    to've never said
    a proper farewell to my friend.
  5. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    sweet and sexy pie

    sweet and sexy pie
    iwent round the corner
    to check u out
    sweet and sexy pie
    why did u let me down
    what the heck was wrong
    i graudually found out
    that u bloody had to leave
    sweet and sexy pie (mature)

    chorus

    sweet and sexy pie
    thats what u r to me
    do u believe that u
    r my sexy pie

    i didnt let u down
    u didnt phone me on my phone
    i thought i was ur life
    that u couldnt live without
    whos that girl with u
    did u make a new girl
    and dumped me on the floor

    chorus

    u left me still
    i really did care
    did u have it with her
    i knew u were my life
    but u made another wife

    chorus

    mature

    u dont need me
    and dont need u
    sweet and sexy pie
    is no more in my life
  6. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    look at the world

    look at the world look at the world
    the trains are passing by
    and we dont know why
    the birds are up so high
    maybe i could fly

    chorus

    look at world
    the world is my life
    its makes me feel so special
    and represents me that i belong here

    look at the world look at world
    the sun is sweet
    thats why we have wheat
    the colour is the sky is blue
    i need another clue

    chorus

    look at the world look at the world
    the sky is gone clear
    which i dont need to fear
    slowly slowly the way i go
    the world is looking at me

    chorus
  7. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    nice slang i like it desipwincess called
  8. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    when the world

    when the world look so much brighter
    the world shines on me
    the birds sing to me
    why me my lord
    when the world look so much brighter
    the window opens up
    so i can feel the breeze
    drying my hair the world
    looks like it was made 4 me

    chorus

    when the world
    when the world
    seems
    better than it is to me

    starlight u r part of the sky
    i would like to see wats up there
    when i die
    show me around up to the
    ground thats why the
    world is me

    chorus

    when the world look so much green
    the green is a leaf and the lovely sea
    the green is the colour
    that makes our world looks nice

    chorus

    la la la la la la la
    la la la la la la la (repeat)

    when the world....................
  9. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    its a beautiful day

    chorus

    its a beautiful day
    what a beautiful day (x2)

    seasons and the day
    make us feel fresh as hay
    birds swaying up
    sitting on my head
    making the world seem more beautiful
    the trees are growing howling and frowling
    reaching 4 us to feed

    chorus

    sweet and smelling
    makes the earth smell nice
    rose and butter cups are my fav
    little small creatured can play all day
    digging up or making homes

    chorus

    the trains r sliding away
    the
    world
    is
    beautiful

    chorus (repeat)
  10. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    i can lie forever

    speech: u know what lies can lead to

    i can lie forever forever
    sweet and sexy pie
    when i lie i feel so much better better
    cool as i day and night i lie
    forever forever
    sweet and sexy pie

    chorus

    lying can lead to bad
    things
    which i dont really care

    when i lie the worlds with me
    no one will ever find the truth
    if i keep up with me
    lies can cause which i dont really care
    bad things good things
    sweet and sexy pie

    chorus

    lie
    r
    forever

    lies are forever
    forever
    ever
    ever
    and ever
  11. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    i cant live with out u

    i cant live with out u why did u leave me
    crying lying on my bed u slammed the door
    your voice went low and i still kept on shouting

    chorus

    u cant live with out me
    i know u cant
    u cant live without me
    or maybe u can

    u listen to me up and above my voice is your lyfe
    dont u bloomin lie to me i know everything i can see
    remember the day our aniversary
    the ring tells me u hate me
    days are going badder than before
    icant find true love i know u should
    come back to me (i know u should come back to me)

    chorus

    maturing tell me wat does that mean
    why cant we be back together again
    i apologise again and again

    chorus

    i know u cant live without me
    i know u cant
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2007
  12. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    why is life so hard

    i find life so hard, my dreams also find it too
    i wonder why, all the time
    why do i find it so hard

    chorus
    why is life so hard why is life so hard
    why o why o why
    why o why o why why do we find it so hard

    sitting at the back working all day
    thinkin bout the plan wats gonna happen today
    me guy left me its works out so hard
    that i couldnt see.........

    chorus

    still thinkin bout me guy given me presents
    thinkin bout the days i feel lonely
    the world goes harder and so does the days
    i wonder why all the time

    chorus

    i nearly killed myself today with a little care
    along hes gone and so am i
    leaving the world feeling so hard

    chorus

    the last thing i felt is my gifts from heaven
    life is so hard
  13. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    passage

    show me the passage i need to know
    the passage that will lead me to heaven (heaven)

    chorus

    show me the passage
    show me the passage
    that
    i need need need to know

    i have walked through heaven and earth
    there is no right or wrong
    it shows me that when i'm dead
    i can see nothing
    but my body
    the poses i take cannot be tken again
    the sins that are there have no control
    of what they seen and heard
    all i need is the passage to heaven

    chorus

    raining days make me feel like
    i wanna die killing myself leads me to hell
    i feel guilty i have done some thing wrong maybe i wont be
    able to see the world again cant u believe cant u believe

    chorus x2

    show me the passage please
  14. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    show me the way to love

    chorus

    what did i do that was so wrong
    made people angry and so long
    doesnt anybody know
    what i have done so wrong
    its makes me feel bad
    upset and the worries

    days were passing by
    and lyfe was going fine
    when one day i found that
    i done some thing that
    had to be solved so long
    the only thing that went wrong
    i never showed the
    way to love

    chorus

    thats how it all began
    when i became a very big fan
    the world is great
    but no no more
    i get eggs thrown at me
    i know i have done some thing wrong
    i figured it out i never
    shoed the way to love

    chorus

    i know it sounds dumb
    like a baby sucking thumb
    some thing some thing
    i never showed the way to love

    chorus x 2
  15. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    whats the matter

    looking around touching the ground
    the world went better today
    i'm not lonely full of energy
    i feel much better today
    always asking whats the matter my friends

    chorus

    whats the matter
    why r u all dattered
    whats the matter my friend
    u all shaggy and plus baggy
    what has happen my friend

    it was a good day i had so much fun
    the girl in the fair
    just didnt care
    and hit me right in my face
    i couldnt stand
    that she done that to me
    on my way home she took it away
    look at me
    now i am a widow away

    chorus

    were gonna help u my friends
    plus there is no reason to worry
    we r better than that girl
    who pushed u like a stone
    good
    bye
    friend

    theres the money
    no need to be afraid my honey

    chorus
  16. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    who is cooler than me

    oi oi u u
    who is cooler than me
    oi oi u u
    what is this meant to be

    i thinkin bout u all the time
    and u dont even have a clue
    i love u dearly so come ere and clear me
    u gotta leave that desperate girl alone

    chorus

    so u think that girl is cooler than me
    she makes me sick and vomit all over me
    i cant help it when she runs to u (to u)
    holds u kisses u it makes me wanna be cooler (cooler)

    chorus

    i can do anything to get rid of her
    i can cycling hour and hour
    i can even cut my finger so beware
    of wat u see (wat u see)

    chorus

    i cant change myself
    i know that i cant see
    i am cooler who is cooler than me
    dont remind me please of that girl (of that girl)

    chorus

    who is cooler than me?
  17. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    what love is meant to be

    love love is meant to be peace peace
    full of energy
    what has happen to me
    everything looks new to me

    chorus

    who am i to disgrace your life
    who am i to make u fall in love with me
    soon it will become a better
    place 4 us to be

    am i 1 ur looking 4
    how many girls have u got in ur mind
    cause i know what love is meant to be
    crawiling in ur bed tonight
    does it make u feel alright

    chorus

    u and me are the one
    looking 4 the world to see
    i'm there gone in ur dreams
    i'm always wondering what love is meant to be

    chorus x 2
    who am i
    what love is meant to be?
  18. desipwincess

    desipwincess New Member

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    semi colon

    semi semi semi semi colon
    i would get married to a semi colon
    use it anywhere its still an semi colon

    chorus

    semi semi semi semi semi colon
    everyone knows that its a semi colon

    semi colon every one knows that
    its the desi pwincess u know that
    one day walking down the streets
    there was a guy called semi colon
    he loved me and so did i
    but i didnt get a chance to be his wife
    we both went on and met eachother
    while i was married to another

    chorus

    suddenly a day came
    which we had to go
    far far from home
    i had kidz
    but they never got love from daddy
    which wasnt semi colon

    chorus

    at the end we had to agree
    that u were the only one
    semi colon

    fade by words
  19. Emsta

    Emsta New Member

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    im real new to this site and havnt a clue what im doin but i made up a few lines and i wanna know if they are any good and if i should go wit hthem at all... let me know what ya think....

    1) Its Saturday yet the sun isn’t shining, the rain pours down to wash away, and decay while the living still pray that they will not lay where there brothers and sisters stay

    2) Close your eyes, think of the good times blue skys and car rides but ddont forget how high you where when you died

    3) I’m just another victim of this ****ed up system where everyone is blind of the crimes and powerful minds

    4) Ask the devil for a favor, that I may not fall and do the evil deeds that he pleads,

    5) Fiery eyes burn the sky because he’s mad from all the lies from his so-called alibis
  20. cpslo

    cpslo New Member

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    first time on these boards, just wanna see what people think of this piece, wrote it a while ago, ill let you see it first before the story behind it.

    So here it is man
    I feel it stronger than ever man
    I feel it in my bones man
    For the first time, I finally know where I stand
    I know what to do man
    I know Ill make it through man
    For the first time
    I am my own man
    Y’all don’t know where I been man
    Y’all don’t know what I’ve seen man
    I’ve been this close
    This close man
    To ending it all
    But I didn’t
    You know why?
    Cuz I saw through the **** man
    Through the urges to quit
    Saw the beauty of life
    And it made me smile
    To think I was that close
    To ending it all
    Just one more inch man
    I wouldn’t be here
    To see the faces
    Those beautiful places
    That come with a new life
    So I’m done with the **** man
    The lies that you spit man
    That tell me to quit man
    To give up and die
    I’m done with that **** man
    Done
    Moving on
    Done with the nights
    Tried of trying
    Hoping of dying
    Wishing I could move
    Just one more inch
    And id be gone
    Gone from the pain
    Gone from the blame
    From the selfish game
    You played with my heart
    But I’m still here
    And I have the scars
    From the days
    That I felt like dyin
    That I gave up tryin
    And I gotta say
    I didn’t do it alone
    Couldn’t take it alone
    So I finally did something right
    Went to friends who were true
    Friends who weren’t you
    Friends who I could trust
    To tell me the truth
    To tell me that you
    And me
    Werent meant for each other
    And how true that has been
    Cuz I haven’t seen you since
    And I don’t regret it
    Nah, I don’t regret it man
    Don’t need it man
    Don’t need the drama
    Don’t need the hypocrisy
    Of you

    Its a slam poetry piece that I wrote down(Only one ive ever actually written down). Hope you like it.

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