Post your own lyrics for critique!

Discussion in 'Lyrics' started by Hopkins, Feb 14, 2003.

  1. MangoMaddnes

    MangoMaddnes New Member

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    Post your own lyrics!

    Hey! Guys...you can post your lyrics here for review~
  2. Holy Crap!!!

    Holy Crap!!! New Member

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    First ones

    These are my firsts so i don't know how good they are:

    I think my heart is my throat,
    There’s blood mixed with my gum,
    What you didn’t see is my heart,
    Burst from my chest,
    And force its way back
    This blood-stained shirt is my uniform,
    And scars and stitches are my badge.

    This means you took a place in my heart,
    Found your own way out

    I was such a sucker,
    You’ve to my guts to lead and I’d kill for them,
    To bleed out the rest of you

    There’s a fine line between,
    Insanity and infatuation,
    But I might just sit on the line when you’re in town

    They call this an addiction,
    But there’s no rehab,
    I’ll just deal with the shakes and shudders.
  3. Holy Crap!!!

    Holy Crap!!! New Member

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    First ones

    2nd one

    invitations only grant
    The grandest of farewells
    To everything we'll miss
    when it's gone

    And as we watch
    The gold and glimmer fade away
    We wonder in dreaming
    what has passed us by

    Dreams interrupted by
    clear liquor and foggy eyes

    But it's not too late
    for one last goodbye
    And as we learn that

    Allegiances mean nothing
    When admirations come with gifts

    our dreams are shunned
    Before this one last goodnight
    Before we hibernate
    and sleep the cold away
  4. Holy Crap!!!

    Holy Crap!!! New Member

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    First ones

    3rd one

    The less i see the more i know
    the more i see the less i want to let it go
    Right now the path is gone
    But i swear it'll widen as we go
    There's more to life than what we see
    but if it is gone then there's nothing left for me
    the journey's long and
    the road is hard
    But if we run it all
    We'll make it through
    if all is wrong then all is gone
    When we jump we'll never fall
    Like men we walk these hallowed halls
    But like nesting birds we'll never fly
    Jump with me
    Dive with me
    And most of all never let go of me
    because when we crash if we fall
    we lose it all
  5. xox_mUSic_xo

    xox_mUSic_xo New Member

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    i thought your song was amazing
    if its oky by you am i aloud to show my friend she will really like it?
  6. lyrics.maker

    lyrics.maker New Member

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    my own new song

    All right guys this is my very first song that I made
    Please leave comments and anything I can change to make it better :)
    thank you!
    Here goes.

    That First Look

    Starting up school, meeting up friends
    Girls move on like last year's trends
    No girl ever catches my eye
    Until, yeah, you girl, came by

    Hey man, there's that little girl I see
    Girl, you're beautiful, that I guarantee
    Soft music flows from my ears to hers
    The look in your eyes, when this moment occurs...

    Chorus:
    Girl, you got me turning left to right
    The sky right now, it doesn't seem as bright,
    Looking to see if you're all right,
    Seeing if can ask you out...tonight.
    You always have to disagree
    Your eyes tell me adorably
    That first look when you turned to me
    You got me lost in that wide blue sea.

    Go on, get on to sleep
    Get yourself out of those jeans.
    Beautiful, but looks so weary
    This feeling is so so eerie.

    Chorus:
    Girl, you got me turning left to right
    The sky right now, it doesn't seem as bright,
    Looking to see if you're all right,
    Seeing if can ask you out...tonight.
    You always have to disagree
    Your eyes tell me adorably
    That first look when you turned to me
    You got me lost in that wide blue sea.

    The girl you only see
    when inside your dreams
    seems like a fairy tale
    when there's nothing left to say...

    Don't let her get away
    There's got to be a delay!
    Maybe you can stay
    Just don't walk away from me...

    Chorus:
    Girl, you got me turning left to right
    The sky right now, it doesn't seem as bright,
    Looking to see if you're all right,
    Seeing if can ask you out...tonight.
    You always have to disagree
    Your eyes tell me adorably
    That first look when you turned to me
    You got me lost in that wide blue sea.

    Chorus:
    Girl, you got me turning left to right
    The sky right now, it doesn't seem as bright,
    Looking to see if you're all right,
    Seeing if can ask you out...tonight.
    You always have to disagree
    Your eyes tell me adorably
    That first look when you turned to me
    You got me lost in that wide blue sea.

    That first look when you turned to me
    You got me lost in that wide blue sea.
    In that wide blue sea...
    ___________________________________________________________
    All right's that's it!
    Please tell me what you think!
  7. xox_mUSic_xo

    xox_mUSic_xo New Member

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    Last Summer ever.
    By: Louise m.

    [v1]
    This could be our
    last summer forever.
    Dont know what say.
    for all lovers..just
    breathing for a day

    [chorus]
    Try to fit in
    try to grow strong
    but the wind isnt movin on.....
    this could be our last summer today.

    [v2]
    im hoping that
    your intrested not gonna change.
    you staring at the girl you love
    but not say hey.

    [chorus]
    You
    try to fit in
    try to grow strong
    but the wind isnt movin on...
    this could be our
    Last summer......

    [bridge]
    i always thought you were better
    and i thoguht we were together
    but i guess that isnt true......
    because lovin you
    is wrong.
    please.

    chorus.

    hmmm......
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2008
  8. LacKean

    LacKean New Member

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    my song..^^

    hey people..please give me some critique on this song i wrote..:)...

    [Chorus]
    I wanna run away
    But you keep appearing in my way in my way
    I wanna run away run away
    But why are you in my way in my way?
    You are in my way and i cant hold on anymore

    [Vers 1]
    Im trying to run away further then this
    But why are you in my way?
    Im trying to get away from this darkness
    But you pull me back in this bloody place
    There you go there you see
    The only 1 who is broke is me
    So tell me why wont you stop pulling me
    back to this darkened place?

    [Chorus]
    I wanna run away
    But you keep appearing in my way in my way
    I wanna run away run away
    But why are you in my way in my way?
    You are in my way and i cant hold on anymore

    [Vers 2]
    Im tired of waiting im tired of hating
    But you keep appearing in my way
    I never felt empty like this before
    But it doesnt matter anymore
    So why wont you leave me alone
    I feel like you never really loved me
    Never really cared for me
    So why are you keeping me in this darkened place
    Why are you lieing to my face
    Cant you see im in pain
    So just let me

    [ ? dunno what this called ]
    run away run away
    from this place from this place
    cant you see im in pain
    run away run away
    why are you lieing to my face

    [Chorus]
    I wanna run away
    But you keep appearing in my way in my way
    I wanna run away run away
    But why are you in my way in my way?
    You are in my way and i cant hold on anymore
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2008
  9. A_Must

    A_Must New Member

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    "Tonigth"
    I'll smile like nothing is wrong
    I'll laught at every single joke
    I'll drink until the night is over
    one, two, three or five more

    Is too soon to forget
    Is too soon to pretend I'm fine
    but I'm just glad is over before it start'd
    Is too soon to forget
    Is too soon to pretend I'm fine
    so I just want some fun tonight,
    just want some fun

    Don't pretend you know,
    don't act as if you hurt too.
    It's so wrong it can't be real.
    Don't pretend you feel,
    you just want tonight,
    you just want a night,
    Is not me, Is not us
    Let me erase your smile...

    Is too soon to forget
    Is too soon to pretend I'm fine
    but I'm just glad is over before it start'd
    Is too soon to forget
    Is too soon to pretend I'm fine
    so I just want some fun tonight,
    just want some fun.

    _ I know is a lot repetitive but is really how I feel right know, I just want to know if is any good
  10. xxstriderxx

    xxstriderxx New Member

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    wow, i think thats amazing! is it supposed to b lik a ballet?
  11. xxstriderxx

    xxstriderxx New Member

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    im not sure wat to call this song. wat do u think?

    Solitary
    Please don’t surround me any more
    Confined
    I just want to leave you behind
    Chasing after me
    Like an eagle soaring to its prey
    And I just want this life to turn out okay

    Because even in a room filled with people
    You feel alone
    And even in the summer
    You’re as cold as stone
    And even though you try to
    Forget the memories
    They keep flooding back
    Like the tides of the sea

    Concentrated
    From the rest of the world
    Separated
    From every emotion I used to know
    This world is moving to slow
    Suffocating
    Please make this stop

    Because even in a room filled with people
    You feel alone
    And even in the summer
    You’re as cold as stone
    And even though you try to
    Forget the memories
    They keep flooding back
    Like the tides of the sea

    Wash over me
    And make me forget
    I’m begging, please
    And down on my knees

    Because even in a room filled with people
    You feel alone
    And even in the summer
    You’re as cold as stone
    And even though you try to
    Forget the memories
    They keep flooding back
    Like the tides of the sea
  12. Miranda

    Miranda New Member

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    Is this supposed to be a hot girl you want to ask out? Not much to it.... But good writing style.
  13. lyrics_chica

    lyrics_chica New Member

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    Here is a verse of a song that i wrote feel free:

    The only one
    That I see
    The only star
    In the sky
    The only one
    For me

    What do you think?
  14. raider104

    raider104 New Member

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    this is my first song ive posted and wrote it in like a day so tell me what u think


    u trusted me and i trusted you y didnt i c it
    i threw it away 4 a 1 nite stand
    with some girl the i found outside a site
    i never new u would come threw the back door
    while i was throwing my life away with you on the floor

    u trusted me with ur heart and i left u in the dust
    wat i did is was wrong n i regret wat i did so much
    i think bout u everyday n night i wish we never had that fight
    i wish we could go bak 2 the way it was be4 i got on that flight


    you look at me now as if im criminal
    now im fighting this constant battle over u
    i understand if u dont take me back
    after wat i have done its like gettin stabbed in the bak
    and i guess u wil never cut me some slack
    but now everytime i c u ur alway on the attack


    u trusted me with ur heart and i left u in the dust
    what i did is was wrong n i regret wat i did so much
    i think bout u everyday n night i wish we never had that fight
    i wish we could go bak 2 the way it was be4 i got on that flight


    Now The Years Have Gone Past and it seems like only yesterday
    that you wanted to be with me everyday
    if i had my way i would not of betrayed you as i did
    it was low as anyone could go
    i hate myself for not being able to see you tommorow


    now my life is over i dont wat 2 do
    but only thing i care about anymore is you


    u trusted me with ur heart and i left u in the dust
    wat i did is was wrong n i regret wat i did so much
    i think bout u everyday n night i wish we never had that fight
    i wish we could go bak 2 the way it was be4 i got on that flight
  15. miketheman4

    miketheman4 New Member

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    Hope- its dedicated to places in tough times. Please Comment.

    We all have got to make a change
    because right now we dont have money to make change
    look around, the whole world is strange
    and as I take a walk, and look around
    im surrounded by the bad
    I try to put on a smile
    a way to escape all the sad
    but inside, I know that the smiles fake
    because im surrounded by the evil that overtakes
    it shakes the ground thats underneath me
    they call it an earthqake
    and with the fate that lies ahead
    it looks like it could be all lies, ahead
    when theyre are people starving in the street looking for bread
    at the same time theres people pumping bullets into their head
    were loosing people
    and as I lie wide awake in bed
    I realize that the life that I knew is dead
    its gone
    the whole world I thought was good, well it was all wrong
    it wasnt meant to be
    we see these insane people doing all these things on t.v.
    it doesnt help that theres no help in our society
    so what do you expect,
    succeess
    no, try anxiety
    try to find a new kind of variety
    try to save a city that you know, and love
    try sitting on your knees praying to the lord above
    try to take over a whole new kind of struggle
    try to save a whole city from all of its trouble
    try to see a whole new kind of light
    try to wish on a star that shines too bright
    and then take yourself away
    because if you fight through
    then maybe ahead
    we find a brighter day
    and in the whole mess
    we find something we strive for our whole life
    its called, succeess.
  16. casperswatch

    casperswatch New Member

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    i only tried writing lyrics the other day and have came up with 2. 1 is finished and the other is just started but i'll give you the unfinished one first.
    now i'm from scotland so when i type said it's pronounced say'd

    there's things i've done
    there's things i've say'd
    there's lessons learned along the way
    and througth all the times that i've done wrong
    i've always tried to get along

    oh i know i've laughed
    and i know i've cried
    asked some questions and i know i've lied
    and i've kissed a girl a thousand times
    i hoped and prayed that she'd be mine
    i've lived a life thats in my past
    futures now what i have to grasp
    so i'll flick the switch from wrong to rite
    oh god send down a reedeeming light.

    chorus

    OH CLEANSE MY SKIN
    AND I'LL, SHED THESE TEARS
    FORGIVE MY SINS
    AND I'LL RID MY FEARS
    OH GIVE ME HOPE
    AND I'LL RAISE MY GAME
    JUST TO KNOW THAT TOMORROW I'LL HEAR
    SOMEONE
    SAYING MY NAME
    OH LORD DON'T LEAVE THINGS THE SAME

    and thats as far as i got
    it was a 2 minute jolt down so it needs alot of work. if you think of paolo nutini singing it.
  17. casperswatch

    casperswatch New Member

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    here's my second one this took about 10 minutes.
    think of bluesy sort of scattish music.

    intergalactic space man (oh he's an)
    intergalactic space man (oh)
    intergalactic space man
    has only got one damn hand

    verse 1

    oh i see him walking round
    from pillar to post
    but he don't know nobody here
    so he's got no place to go
    i try to approach him
    but he just runs away
    he thinks i must be trying to hurt him
    or i might be gay (oh)

    intergalactic space man (oh he's an)
    intergalactic space man (oh)
    intergalactic space man
    has only got one damn hand

    verse 2

    oh i saw hin crouching down
    ah just the other day
    with one crooked finger
    he was pointing into space
    he looked quite upset
    i think he was started to cry
    but then again i couldn't tell
    cause he ain't got no eyes
    oh

    intergalactic space man (oh he's an)
    intergalactic space man (oh)
    intergalactic space man
    has only got one damn hand

    verse 3

    the starship came down
    and landed in the field
    and as he got nearer
    his skin started to peel
    underneath he started looking quite human
    then he turned and flipped me off and i was bloody fuming

    oh he an
    intergalactic space man (oh he's an)
    intergalactic space man (oh)
    intergalactic space man
    has only got one damn hand

    intergalactic space man (oh he's an)
    intergalactic space man (oh)
    intergalactic space man
    has only got one damn hand

    now i know it's quite mad, funny even but i think it's got a good flow to it. Hope you enjoy it
  18. casperswatch

    casperswatch New Member

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    it's pretty good man, what style is it supposed to be in thougth? Your lines........



    u trusted me with ur heart and i left u in the dust
    what i did is was wrong n i regret wat i did so much
    i think bout u everyday n night i wish we never had that fight
    i wish we could go bak 2 the way it was be4 i got on that flight

    it could go quite country style with that. for example..

    you trusted me with your heart
    and i left you in the dust
    what i did was so wrong
    and i regret it so much
    i think about you everyday
    i wished we'd never fight
    i wish we could go back to the way it was
    before that awful night
    and now i'm on my knees praying
    god please take me back in time
    all i've ever wanted
    was for the girl to be mine.

    something like that you know. I mean i don't know what style of song you were writing it for but when i read that it sounded countryish in my head. Hope you don't mind the critique. Oh and feel free to comment on mine. I just started trying to write about a week ago bud. Cheeers.
  19. shadowrapper

    shadowrapper New Member

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    this is one of my many lyrics......i write......tell me whats bad and good about it......

    Title:~Roll With the Punches~


    verse 1:
    my mind and eyes are different in the way that they see my mind it only sees the things that are behind me but now ive grown to learn no matter which way i turn my eyes they only see whats in front of me
    end verse 1:

    chorus:
    i just roll with the punches and go with the flow i never try to do differently cause someone always tells me no
    end chorus:

    verse 2:
    i walk in circles till my legs get sore then i eat and i sleep and i do it some more i dont jump into the deep end cause i dont know what i'll find but in the shallows i can see the bottom its matter over mind
    end verse 2:

    chorus:
    i just roll with the punches and go with the flow i never try to do differently cause someone always tells me no
    end chorus:

    end song:
  20. shadowrapper

    shadowrapper New Member

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    im just trying to get noticed by somebody.....so talk to me people....

    Every time that I wake up,
    I just wake up screaming,
    Because in truth nothings there,
    I'm not even dreaming,

    The scars that cover my skin,
    Well they're the holes within my heart,
    And even if you say its wrong,
    I'll keep tearing myself apart,

    And every time that tears don't fade,
    They leave trails, scars on my face,
    And every time i think of you,
    I put myself in a hollow place,

    Every time that i wake up,
    These chains pull on my burns,
    and even when i see blood,
    Not even my stomach churns,

    I feel the ghosts who haunt me now,
    Will their taunting, laughing, cries,
    They'll tear apart my very being,
    With out letting me say my goodbyes.

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