Post your own lyrics for critique!

Discussion in 'Lyrics' started by Hopkins, Feb 14, 2003.

  1. shadowrapper

    shadowrapper New Member

    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    more talk to me give me something...




    I don't want to fall down,
    But i can't find a hand hold,
    And as i keep falling down,
    It keeps on getting so cold,

    Someone help me save my heart,
    Without love I'll fall apart,

    I'm in this castle,
    That's so much like a cave,
    They're making me dig this hole so deep,
    The task is almost grave,

    Someone help me save my heart,
    Without love I'll fall apart,

    Way up in the sky,
    Where air balloons can't reach,
    Tears, here, drown my face,
    And from you i beseech,

    Someone help me save my heart,
    Without love I'll fall apart,

    So with the bones and fallen dreams,
    This sentence i include,
    There's no hope for us together,
    Both of us conclude,

    Someone help me save my heart,
    In this night I'll fall apart.
  2. shadowrapper

    shadowrapper New Member

    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    me again...i have lots.....too many to count...


    entice the world with pouring silence,
    with little words to stop the violence,
    crammed up inside, so hard to speak,
    i'm incomplete and i'm so weak,
    i wonder where grace tripped and fell,
    'cause none of my hearts pieces are feeling well,
    fire burns a hole through your essence, your life,
    adding to the drama and strife,
    at home where love and happyness means none,
    but now lower the weapon, lower the gun,
    there's rumors of hope, and no suicide,
    that the people understand why we hide,
    maybe if we listen, maybe if we care,
    life will seem a little more fare,
    hearts wont be shattered, broken and gone,
    and maybe we'll have the strength to move on.
  3. Matthew1993

    Matthew1993 New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Hey, I'm 15. I've been writing lyrics for about 3 years. I've only shown them to my friends so, I decided to find a website like tthis to post them on, cause I'd love to have other peoples opinions on them.
    I don't know how long ago I wrote some of them so I'm sorry if you wanted to know.

    But here's one of my songs. I know when this one was wrote I wrote it about 3 years ago, so it may need some refining so some replies might be taken with warmth and again it's an early one. And I had just been dumped by my irst GF, and I took it a lil hard. Thanks:

    [chorus]

    Dead inside. I'm going to be alone forever.
    But only you can change that.
    I don't want to be alone forever.
    Please don't let me be alone forever.

    [verse 1]

    You are all I've ever wanted to know.
    Just show me the way home.
    I know you can 'cuz you made it for me.
    I ain't gonna be alone forever.

    [chorus]

    [verse 2]

    Ain't nothing ever gonna be alright.
    So don't tell me its gonna be alright.
    'Cuz I know it's not, unless you'll make it.
    I don't wanna live alone forever.

    [chorus]

    [bridge inc. solo]

    You'll be my everything,
    Pick me back up to my feet.
    I'll make you happy,
    I'll give you you're every need.
    Just tell me what it is you want.
    Tell me, but first show me I ain't gonna die alone.

    [Bass outro, Guitar still with solo]
  4. Rawkin4HIM

    Rawkin4HIM New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    That Day In September

    (I'll probably get criticized for this because it's Christian, but oh well. I wrote it for the eighth anniversary of 9/11)

    That Day In September:

    One Day
    Two Hours
    Two Planes
    Two Towers

    A nation stunned
    A war declared
    So many more lives lost
    When someone came
    Hijacked some planes
    A few months before the frost

    [Chorus]
    Everyone remembers what happened
    Three months before December
    Over 3,000 silenced screams
    That day in September
    (x2)

    Eight Years
    One Day
    Many Ripples
    That are still here today

    We all still think about
    The horror of it all
    So, tell me, Osama,
    Wherever you are,
    How could you want to
    Hurt the world this way?

    [Chorus x3]

    Today, let’s
    Remember
    What took place on that day
    And ask Him to guide us
    Each step along the way

    [Chorus x4]
  5. Cooki3_thief

    Cooki3_thief New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Hello Summer Lyrics
    L.M


    Life is beautiful, the birds are beautiful
    ooo oo,
    The sky is blue again, the grass is green again
    the sun has come out

    Put on your hats, and swim in the ocean...
    see the children laughing because
    #Hello summers back
    dooo doodoodoo doo mm mm

    Walking around you see happy faces (happy faces)
    your strolling around and see the birds are singing
    little bow peep has brought out her sheep
    and shes sining as song hello summers back

    summers back o o o its back.
    itss baaaaac! mmmm

    the nights are loww and the heat is on
    the thunders back and the rain has come
    summers gone to sleep
    summers you and me it will last
    because hello summers back.
  6. ATTOJ_fan

    ATTOJ_fan New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Well im the screamer for a metal band. I just got done writing lyrics for our intro song and i wanted to get feedback on them before I showed them to my bandmates, so here they are:
    ------------------------------------------------------------
    Our Story Begins
    by: myself

    These are the tales of those who live in a dying land,
    going to war against cold-blooded behemoths,
    and demons plagued with contamination.
    The human race slowly brings forth its own demise.

    These are the stories of those struggling to be somewhere better
    than this wretched blackened, rotting place.
    Sin corrupts all. Slowly these flames will rise.

    Through the storm emerges a gathering of warriors,
    making immense beasts fall at the strike of their swords.

    Their malevolence of the pure evil brings them here this day.
    Living to make this worth it, nothing will stand in their way.

    These people, unified, fight with honor.
    Struggling to survive,
    they fight in hope of something better.

    This is where our story begins......
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    Yeah, so you guys should tell me what you think of those lyrics, and maybe what I could do to make them better. And if you have a better idea for a song name then you should tell me and maybe we will use it
  7. billy hunt-

    billy hunt- New Member

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    just an update guys

    bobbie millians bought this song off me and has had a number 3 hit with it on pluto and mars
  8. Fiction

    Fiction New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Someone You Once Used To Know

    We fall to the floor,
    Shed tears no more,
    No gasps for brelath,
    As we slowly fade away.

    Take my hand,
    And brace impact,
    *are backs against the wall,*
    No crys of weakness now,
    As we slowly begin to fall

    There is no explanation for the things we see,
    Our only chance to search it out,
    *is in moments your with me,*
    Please dont fear,*
    For the end isnt near,
    Another door awaits our call,*
    waiting till you feel arrest,*
    With your back against the wall!
    *
    Find out all the meanings,*
    all the reasons for your cause,
    Exploit every single problem,
    Every decent thing worth loss,
    Now carry on, explore your mind,
    Extract all the information,
    Cause *no one knows, your wondered thoughts, All the answers you may find,

    There is no explanation for the things we see,
    Our only chance to search it out,
    *is in moments your with me,*
    Please dont fear,*
    For the end isnt near,
    Another door awaits our call,*
    waiting till you feel arrest,*
    With your back against the wall!

    Even when, there is no light,*
    Learn to see in the dark,*
    Oh Its amazing, the world you see,
    One that lives in the night,

    Keep searching,*
    answers will appear,
    I have a feeling ,
    they might be lurking!

    There is no explanation for the things we see,
    (nothings what it seems)
    Our only chance to search it out,
    *is in moments your with me,*
    Please dont fear,*
    For the end isnt near,
    Another door awaits our call,*
    waiting till you feel arrest,*
    With your back against the wall!

    Answers, youll find them,
    *no matter, what it takes,
    These feelings your searching,
    *will finally spread thier wings,
    And fly past the great blue sky,*
    paste the stars,*
    the dreams and hopes,*
    and perch, on an unknown soul that you thought,
    You use to know.*

    Youll be alright, in time,*
    no band-aid can fix this,
    *but a peace of mind,
    *might just be your best ticket,*

    When you see that there are no

    explanation for the things we see,
    Our only chance to search it out,
    *is in moments your with me.

    Please Critique!
  9. 1josephjohn

    1josephjohn New Member

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    “ just say yes !”

    “ just say yes !”

    i just say yes to drugs,
    i'm passed out resting on rugs,
    scratching and kicking away my nasty flees and bugs,
    i stay in a vest with thugs,
    with nothing less than slugs,
    invest in lugz,
    now i'm rich and just messing with jugs,
    writing lyrics selling out
    just to be the best with Muggs,
    posting them on facebook and myspace
    but they could care less about these plugs,
    but all i really only want is some breast
    i give it right back to them with the shrugs,
    i can't wait till these same people circle back around
    like a pest with the tugs,
    and only the best get hugs,
    from me,
    but only if i’m on ecstasy,
    i’ll come flying up to you like :
    “gee ..
    i’ve got some drugs that’ll **** you up
    i’m not lying
    it’s true
    you’ll see”,
    and…
    “why am i so horney ?
    there’s just this ugly corney white boy standing next to me ?”,
    i just love crystal meth,
    that and the biggest pistol i’ve ever met,
    o' and i hang out with Heather and,
    we just shot up some heroin,
    we leave those who don’t do coke hanging,
    we tell them
    “we’re too damn busy for you !”
    and the whole shebang-an,
    and the angel dust,
    damn what a rush !,
    we just sit back and laugh
    while you idiots try to stop that plane from making a flame out of that bus.




    Last Modified: July 29, 2010 at 01:37 pm


    Author Notes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    i don't condone the use of drugs, these are just words that rhyme,that's it ,that's all ,no more - no less !
  10. 1josephjohn

    1josephjohn New Member

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    "all alone"

    "all alone"

    I find myself very alone/
    with no friends ,
    because i say no to drugs /
    and i don't follow trends,
    i'm from a drug riddled city /
    i've lived here all of my life/
    and i don't want to move,
    i used to smoke weed and drink alcohol/
    just to get me into that mood,
    that's when i had all of my friends by my side ,
    but when i decided to get clean/
    that's not what my friends would decide,
    they'd rather experiment /
    with more and more hardcore drugs /
    then lied,
    this is how they chose to "ride",
    i don't regret getting clean,
    but i do regret using drugs in the first place /
    you know what i mean!,
    see/
    i miss those friends who i used to hang out with,
    i can't seem to find friends /
    who don't use drugs /
    do they even exist? ,
    i doubt this,
    this seems to play a huge role in me being alone,
    seeing how /
    trends coincides with drugs/
    you know what /
    i like it better this way/
    i'd rather them not ring my phone.


    Author Notes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    leave a comment or a review please.
  11. wiirfun

    wiirfun New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    My Song

    Starry Eyes

    The first time I saw him,
    He meant nothing to me,
    The next day he laughed and,
    I was startin to dream,
    So I fell in love with the boy,
    And I didn’t know his first na-ame
    -Chorus-
    How love hits, so damn fast,
    Givin you a chance at romance
    You get butterflies and,
    Starry Eyes yeah
    Starry Eyes
    A few days later we were,
    Laughing together,
    And I heard the name that,
    Would change my life,
    Across the room a guy yelled out,
    “Hey Alex Come over here”
    And I say
    Love hits, so damn fast,
    Givin you a chance at romance
    You get butterflies and,
    Starry eyes yeah,
    Starry eyes
    I thought he loved me,
    The way I loved him,
    We spent time together,
    But I never gave in,
    I waited for him to make,
    The first move,
    Now it’s too late and he’s gone
    So I kick my own ass, and say
    Love hits, so damn fast,
    Givin you a chance at romance
    You get butterflies and,
    Starry Eyes yeah,
    Starry eyes mmhmm
    Well, Starry Eyes, and I say
    Goodbye
    Goodbye to my love
    Alex is goone
    Alex is gone,
    Left me on my own
    With Starry Eyes
  12. Saima390

    Saima390 New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    hey i am posting my lyrics but the song is not finished yet... let me noe how is it:

    was it the light i saw or the way i went,
    something felt so wrong,
    how i decided to believe in myself,
    that u were the only one..
  13. Team rev

    Team rev New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    listen this is a freestyle sraight off the head;
    im knockin ppl down not with the led;
    ask me one question ! ; then ask me 2
    whats me plus you multiplied by twoo;
    mah rhymes are worth more then alot off ppl
    guess what this is going to turn into a suqeall
  14. scatman

    scatman New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Hero by James T

    Verse 1
    No one wanted me to go
    To live a life of war and the holy joe
    I signed my name on the line
    For Uncle Sam was ready to die

    We marched all day
    With 9 weeks until the end
    We couldn’t get away
    I missed all of my friends back home

    Chorus
    I thought it would be great
    Seeing the world and getting paid
    Man if I’d known my fate
    No future, no job, just scars from a hand grenade

    Verse 2
    We drove along the desert road
    A bomb was ready to explode
    The ground shook like an earthquake
    Five men dead men in it’s wake

    I went to find my best friend
    I searched through our wrecked up car
    I found him lying dead
    His short life was at it’s end

    Verse 3
    I killed a lot of people
    I am the true bad guy
    What I’ve done are acts of evil
    Ill be ashamed till the day I die

    Despite what people may say
    I am no hero, I’ve only sinned
    The horrors are here to stay
    But my life is gone with the wind

    This is the first time I've ever wrote a song and Im 14....dont be afraid to leave criticism I want to make it better
  15. foxrider93

    foxrider93 New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    say what you think

    MY SONG
    When I try to talk with her
    I open my mouth but the
    Words don’t come out
    I’m like 1, 2, 3 weeks to
    Now her name, it’s like I’m insane
    I’m making this song, but if
    She doesn’t like it
    I have only one word to say
    “Sorry”
    I use red and black
    She uses pink and white is
    Like the opposite
    Is she older or what?
    I’m not a ****ing MC
    I’m only righting this song
    To say love me
    But mum isn’t here so I’m crying for help
    Maybe I‘ll hit the bottom tomorrow I don’t know


    Hook
    I can’t keep living this way so
    I’ll start today saying the truth i use the freestyle
    but this isn't my style take a minute to
    listen, this isn't for recognition


    Her voice is sweet, kind, gentle when
    She says “hi” I go crazy
    Dude please help me
    She ****ing hates me I think,
    I’m like Michael Jordan
    I make throwing just playing
    Look to my eyeballs say that
    You don’t like me and I’ll
    Go with heart to my house
    When I see her my hands get sweaty,
    My arms weak, my head starts to shaking
    I’m nervous but I’m ready to drop rhymes
    But I keep forgetting what I wrote down

    Hook
    I can’t keep living this way so
    I’ll start today saying the truth i use the freestyle
    but this isn't my style, this my song, take a minute to
    listen, this isn't for recognition

    Take my hand please
    Don’t go away I love
    You didn’t you understand
    Maybe I need to forget you!
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2011
  16. meganhann

    meganhann New Member

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Mary wanna?

    Marley flower ,
    why'd you go and leave me?
    Your love sold by evening
    next morning, is gone

    She got you all, all
    wrapped up in the dollar
    A wild idea
    To get lost for an hour

    Here"s a retelling
    Of an unfortunate seduction
    Her words spoken softly
    to the movement of margins

    She left my eyes heavy
    And there"s nothing I'd rather
    Than a faint recollection
    Of a come and go lover

    She"s got you all, all
    wrapped up in the dollar
    A wild idea
    To get lost for an hour

    -megan hann.
  17. meganhann

    meganhann New Member

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    California Blues

    Every decision
    Starts a flicker of your cigarette
    Runs through your ration as madness
    Leaves your mouth as regret

    Breathe, California
    Watch it go 'round and 'round
    California let me down easy
    California let me down

    Every collision
    Starts tossing restless in bed
    Left a dent in the lifeless pillow,
    you've long rest your head

    Made it as far as medicine
    To political science, it's grown
    i've already Board that flight to California
    And California let me down

    Breathe, California
    Watch it go 'round and 'round
    California let me dwn easy
    California let me down

    California just let me

    -megan hann
  18. meganhann

    meganhann New Member

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    No name

    I'm not so sure I know her
    But I know her all that well
    A ghostwriter with an unknown alias
    For the author straight from hell

    I know you can't leave that esque
    Oh, she tourmented your summer
    But it's your campfire stories
    Or that West-Coast ransome

    Yeah, she's the one,
    In all those songs
    Some pretty love letter
    That never lasts long
    A pretty price to pay

    She's in and out like the tides
    Oh,the shoot-with-no-aim
    She's the last minute damned decision
    No one's been able to make

    Yeah, she"s the one,
    In all those songs
    Some pretty love letter
    That never lasts long
    A pretty price to pay

    -megan hann
  19. meganhann

    meganhann New Member

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    PLEASE check out this blog!

    hey guys! I'm locally known in the town im from from, and im trying to get some international support, check out my lyrics and writing. If the support is high, i"ll show you some pretty rad recordings give me a holler on facebook too ive youre interested, i could really use soem input!

    http://ocdagenda.blogspot.com/
  20. Tinman

    Tinman New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    I`ve read all here..you all are good writers. lyrics are a little tougher for me, I have to keep re-writing..always some changes in the song. sooner or later we just have to let them stand.

Share This Page