Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by kim_eh, May 19, 2004.
Got a favourite? Share em!
I think there was a post like this a while back.
my favorites are perverted jokes...and I shouldn't share um.
my favorite is
Who's the boss of the hankies
THE HANKIECHEIF lol
i like all jokes because they make me laugh!
I like the jokes off the vicar of dibley they make me laugh so much! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!
ESPECIALLY THE ONE ABOUT THE NUN'S AND THE VAMPIRE! HILARIOUS! I AM ONLY DOING THIS TO GET MONEY!
I LOVE THIS SITE BUT THE WAY YOU GOT MB CASH IS REDICULOUS! THE OLD WAY WAS BETTTER! KNOW WONDER PEOPLE GET WARNINGS FOR JUNK MAIL IT IS BECAUSE THEY MAKE US DO IT!
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch-N-sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool
Not that again Luce, i was on the floor fighting for breath after you told me that one. My fave is the one about Kermits fingers in that other thread, killed me (I'm a sucker for crappy jokes)
Yo mama's so big her belly button's got an echo.
Yo mama's so big she cant wear an X jacket cause choppers keep landing on her back
Yo mama's so big she uses I-95 for a Slip 'n Slide
Yo mama's so big that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"
Yo mama's so big when she goes to the movie theatre she sits next to everybody.
Yo mama's so big when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway
Yo mama's so big, it takes her 2 hours just to haul ass.
Yo mama's so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat butt out of the way.
Yo mama's so fat at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama's so fat her blood type is ragu
Yo mama's so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo mama's so fat her yearbook picture is an arial
Yo mama's so fat if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
Yo mama's so fat if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test!
Yo mama's so fat if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
Yo mama's so fat she can't even tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat she can't reach her back pocket.
Yo mama's so fat she can't wear Dazzey Dukes. She has to wear Boss Hoggs
you might be a redneck if...
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You fainted when you met Slim Whitman.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
Red Man sends you a Christmas card.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You've never paid for a haircut.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just"misunderstood".
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
LMAO!! :laugh2: :laugh: :laugh2: :laugh: :laugh2: dude where did you get those from???
ha ha, loads more LOL
Yo mama's so fat she dries her pants in the driveway
Yo mama's so fat she eats biscuits like tic tacs
Yo mama's so fat she eats wheat thicks.
Yo mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama's so fat she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
Yo mama's so fat she got hit by a truck and asked "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama's so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama's so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama's so fat she has more nooks and crannies than Thomas' English Muffin.
Yo mama's so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama's so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama's so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama's so fat she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big
Yo mama's so fat she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Chicago, NY ..
Yo mama's so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama's so fat she sat on a quarter and squished a booger out of George Washington's nose
Yo mama's so fat she sat on the corner and the police came & said "break it up!"
Yo mama's so fat she shows up on radar.
Yo mama's so fat she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H D
Yo mama's so fat she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out
Yo mama's so fat she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks
Yo mama's so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama's so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.
Yo mama's so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama's so fat she wears a VCR for a beeper.
Yo mama's so fat she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy
Yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family
Yo mama's so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat that when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
Yo mama's so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama's so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama's so fat they had to baptize her at Sea World
Yo mama's so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo mama's so fat uses blanket as a washcloth
Yo mama's so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama's so fat when i took her to the beach, little keds surron "Free Willy, Free WIlly"
Yo mama's so fat when she backs up she beeps
Yo mama's so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama's so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama's so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama's so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama's so fat when she sits around the house she REALLY sits AROUND the house
Yo mama's so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama's so fat when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool Aid .."
Yo mama's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama's so fat when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water.
Yo mama's so fat when the ***** goes to an all You can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo mama's so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama's so fat you smell like bacon at 90 degrees
Yo mama's so fat, when she travels, she's gotta make two trips.
Yo mama was so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama's so dumb she has 1 toe & bought a pair of flip flops
Yo mama's so dumb she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
Yo mama's so dumb she sat on TV & watched the couch
Yo mama's so dumb she thought St Ides was a Catholic church.
Yo mama's so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so dumb she took a spoon to the Super Bowl
Yo mama's so dumb she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama's so dumb that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama's so dumb, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
Yo mama's so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.
Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks socialism means partying!
Yo mama's so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so dumb, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."
Yo mama's so dumb, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
Yo mama's so stupid at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagitarius.
Yo mama's so stupid he got a part time job painting skittles
Yo mama's so stupid instead of taking 4 bus she took the 2 bus twice
Yo mama's so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Mins
Yo mama's so stupid on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911
Yo mama's so stupid she asked for a price check at the 99 cent store
Yo mama's so stupid she asked me what kinda jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levis?"
Yo mama's so stupid she jumped out the window and went up
Yo mama's so stupid she said "what's that letter after x" and i said Y she said "cause I wana know"
Yo mama's so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.
Yo mama's so stupid she studied for blood test & failed.
Yo mama's so stupid she thought BOYZ2MEN was a daycare center.
Yo mama's so stupid she thought hamburger helper came with another person
Yo mama's so stupid she thought meow mix was a record for cats
Yo mama's so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on soul train
Yo mama's so stupid she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
Yo mama's so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama's so stupid that she go hit by a parked car.
Yo mama's so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama's so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
Yo mama's so stupid that she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
Yo mama's so stupid when she saw "under 17 not admitted" sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama's so stupid when Yo dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
Yo mama's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen her since.
Yo mama's so stupid, she asked You "What is the number for 911".
Yo mama's so stupid, she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is where You pay Yo telephone bill.
Yo mama's so stupid, that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama's so ugly had to get her baby drunk just so she could breastfeed.
Yo mama's so ugly her face is closed on weekends!
Yo mama's so ugly her mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the mamas to play with her.
Yo mama's so ugly her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel
Yo mama's so ugly I took her to haunted house and she came out with a job application
Yo mama's so ugly I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said "thanks for bringing her back
Yo mama's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama's so ugly just after she was born, her mama'said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama's so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama's so ugly she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it
Yo mama's so ugly she could be the poster child for abortion/birth control!
Yo mama's so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
Yo mama's so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock!
Yo mama's so ugly she has to trick or treat over the phone
Yo mama's so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama's so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama's so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama's so ugly she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back
Yo mama's so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama's so ugly that Yo father takes her to work just so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo mama's so ugly the doctor is still smacking her ass
Yo mama's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama's so ugly the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train
Yo mama's so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
Yo mama's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo mama's so ugly they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
Yo mama's so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama's so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama's so ugly they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty
Yo mama's so ugly when she passes by a bathoom the toilet flushes.
Yo mama's so ugly when she sits in the sand the cat tries to bury her.
Yo mama's so ugly when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
Yo mama's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born the doctor smacked everYone.
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born, her mama'saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!"
Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Is it only me that finds that histerical...? :laugh2:
an dont forget your dickie-bow hotchick_01
How many giraffes can you get in a mini? four - two in the front two in the back
How many elephants can you fit in a mini?? None, the giraffes are in there.... :laugh2: Sorry, I shall stop, I know they are poor...very poor *walks out of thread giggling slightly*
I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE ... ITS A MUSICIAN JOKE...
HOW MANY BASS PLAYERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
NONE! ... THE SYTHN PLAYER CAN DO IT WITH HIS LEFT PLAY!!!! ... :thumbsup:
hehehe..... And whaddya call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend....???
but my favorite all time jokes... How do you catch a unique squirrel?
you 'neak up on 'im...................................... (sneak)
How do you catch a tame squirrel?
Tame way silly... you 'neak up on 'im!
... yeahh... it loses a little in text....
Um... ooo-kay.... :confused2
Separate names with a comma.